It feels weird to live alone. It does. If I have a choice between living alone and living with somebody else, I would have chosen to live with somebody else. But I don’t have any choices, unfortunately. Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful that I got this place. I live in a so-called Spacebox, located on campus and within few minutes reach to the city centre and train station. What more do I want? Some of my friends live quite far from the university and some still live in a holiday park (due to lack of housing). So I shouldn’t complain, for God sake!
But I can’t resist! I realised that I had been living with other people for the past SEVEN years (if living with my family is counted, then that becomes 23 years 😀 ). I lived in a school dormitory for 3 years when I was in High School, then I lived in a student lodge in my first one year in Brisbane. I had my own room, but I was always surrounded by people for at least 4 times a day; during breakfast, lunch, dinner, and “TV time”. The lodge had a communal area where we could mingle with the rest of the residents every single day. After one year living in the student lodge, I moved to a small apartment and lived with one of my closest friends, Jenny for a half a year before we moved again to a bigger apartment. We lived in this apartment for 2.5 years and I shared my room and bed with another close friend, Mayu.
So my life (day and night) has always been surrounded by people. Jenny and Mayu were just the most wonderful housemates and friends I’ve ever had! I could not have asked for more. When I was sick, they were the ones who pampered me and took care of me. When I needed help, they were the first people who would help me and expected nothing in returns. When I had problems, they were the ones who would endlessly listen to my boring stories and helped me to find possible solutions. When I failed to go back home by 12 am, they were the ones who would call me asking me where I was, when I would reach home, and whether or not I needed to be picked up at a bus stop or train station. I always had this sense of security when living with them. Because I knew that somehow they were always beside me and supported me. It was just wonderful to be able to live with the ones you care and love the most :). And it was pretty amazing when I thought about how Mayu and I lived in the same room and slept on the same bed, but we never had any arguments or pissed each other off. Before I left Australia for good, Jenny once told me, “Amalia, I don’t know how I am going to live without you.” That sentence sticks with me the whole time and I found myself asking the same question right before I left for Eindhoven, “How the hell am I going to live ALONE without Jenny and Mayu?!?” It drove me insane. I didn’t realise how dependent I was on them!!
After I arrived in this country 2 weeks ago, I am still adapting; adapting how to live alone :D. When the night comes and streets are empty, I always wish that Jenny and Mayu are here with me, sharing stories and having a girl talk hehe. I do feel so lonely at night and I can’t just knock on my neighbour’s door and expect them to welcome me with wide arms. Thankfully, making a call to Australia is quite cheap (via VoIP) so I take advantage of it. My friends told me to move and find a student house that can be shared with many people. Unfortunately, I can’t just move out and find another house in the near future because my contract will not end until next year. I just need to be patience and get used to everything. I am sure the time will come when I feel comfortable enough to live alone. SEMANGAT!!! 🙂