Would you please stop asking me when I will get married. Please?!
I still can’t comprehend why people ask me this question over and over again.
Will it make any difference if I get married? Will it affect you in any way, directly or indirectly? Will you get ANY benefits from it? NO, right?!
What makes it even worst is that, when some people ask me whether or not I have a boyfriend (and I say no, for obvious reasons), they stare at me as if I’m not supposed to be single. As if I have passed the deadline for getting a boyfriend. As if I’m not capable of falling in love. As if being single is a curse. And a lot more as ifs that I can’t even write here.
Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate your concern. The fact that I may stay single for the rest of my life. The fact that nobody would be interested in me after I turn 30. The fact that nobody would have a second glance at a very independent woman.
But oooh pleeease. Get over it. It’s not the end of the world. Life is not only about having a boyfriend or getting married. I still have countless dreams to catch, numerous places to visit, many problems to solve, a lot of things to choose, and many things to worry about. The time will eventually come. Today. Tomorrow. The day after tomorrow. Next month. Next year. Or even in 5 years time. It’s not me — nor you — to decide.
I know that some of you just want to make jokes or have a meaningless conversation to break the ice, BUT can you ask something else? There are tonnes of questions that you can ask other than my status. Right?
Are you running out of ideas? Well. Perhaps you can ask me about my day. My passion. The most embarrassing thing I did. The exciting places I’ve been to. My plans for the future. My views on Egyptian Revolution. My travel plans.
Uh. Oh. There are just too many things that you can ask me about. If you don’t want to ask, just don’t ask anything. Simple, right?
And oh! Don’t worry, I will let you know when I have plans to get married. You might not be invited, but I’ll let you know. And you can see for yourself, then, if you witness any changes in your life when I tell you that.
Don’t worry. This letter is not meant to attack those people around me who have been asking me these questions. I have no hard feelings for you and I don’t hate you for that! Love you all! 🙂
But this is meant to voice my sarcastic opinion. This is my voice and the voice of other women who still choose to pursue their dreams and to search for the love of their life. As much as we respect the choice of those women who decide to get married early, we expect others to respect our choice too! Every one of us, each one of us, walk our life in different ways and take different paths. Not all of them will get married by 25. Not all of them will find their loved ones by 30. We are not the kind of woman who would submit to any men we meet. We have the right to choose. We have the right to filter those who come into our life. We wait, while we enjoy our life.
This is our choice. This is our life. No one has the right to dictate how it should be run. Peace! 🙂
I looove this letter! I have printed and post it on my room door. Haha , i know how you feel:I, cause I have , and am there. xD again and again I love it. You go girl!
Anca: Hahaha! Thanks 🙂 Don’t worry, you’re not alone! 😉
oh kak. i looooove this letter a lottt.
wallahi betul kak. i really mean it. jodoh itu dateng dari atas, dia yg merencanakan semua, dia juga yang menakdirkan. toh, yang penting kita tidak menutup diri dari apa pun yang DIA tentukan buat kita 😉
those people, wallahi, neeeed to get punch in their face! masa aku masih muda gini udah banyak yg nanya juga. heloooo? ini sarjana aje belooooon. 😛
so anyway, good luck ka, enjoy every steps of your life, hidup cuma sekali 😉
wow, beautifully written! 🙂
yep, the point is that many people forget that the choice is up to the person who will experience it her/himself 🙂
keep rocking! 😉
Poppy: Thank youuu pop! 🙂 can’t agree more with your comments! Just enjoy our life for now! Good luck to you too my dear!
Qonit: Thank you 😉
Amel, jangan galak2 donk.. hehe. gw iseng udh lama ga mampir web lo. take it easy mel. syukuri apa yg ada & enjoy your life to the fullest!
Fauziah: I do take it easy. I just want to let it out. Can’t I? 🙂 And I’m enjoying my life so those people who think the only way to be happy is to be married should get out of my way! hahahaha….
gw setuju.. semuanya dah ada waktunya.
btw, commenting system lo pake apa mel? default atau plugin?
alay: commentingnya default kok. tapi ajax nya pake plugin 🙂
hahahahah….it’s just me… and soooo me…and at the same time you’re being sooo mean…
Mel, this is what I recently feel exactly! I’m sick and tired of people that keep on asking..it’s just like my fault that I didn’t search for one…oh come on!!
great shout sis…!
I like this letter and I agree with you. I’m still young but many friends who ask me “why you don’t have a girlfriends, triiz?”. fortunately I remembered what my religion teacher say.
mel, are you Indonesian bloggers? I too and now I’m still learn speak english,hehehe..
nice to meet you,
bahasa inggris saya masih acak2an yah,hehehe…
Yasmin: Hahaha I love being so mean 😛 It’s a way to remove my burden LOL!
triiz: Well, just because everyone has a girlfriend, it doesn’t mean that you need to have one! 🙂 Just chill and she will come eventually. No need to rush 🙂
Yes I’m an Indonesian. Thanks for visiting my blog 🙂 Yes, blogging is a great way to improve your English. I was in your position too 6 years ago 🙂 Semangat!!
and when you are married already, people will asking when will you have a baby.
anyway, it’s good to be back here. 🙂
Hi Mel! I’ve just realised it has been months (almost a year?) since I last visited your blog!
This is perfectly written Mel. Perfect! Let me guess, the only ones who have asked you those questions are Indonesians? Well, in my case, yes it’s only the Indonesians who ask me those annoying questions!
I guess it’s cos Indonesians in general (especially those who have never lived abroad) are hardwired by the societal “expectation” that women have to get married before they’re 25 or before they’re 30, otherwise they’re gonna have a hard time finding men after they’ve passed the 30yo mark. They don’t even take into account whether or not we’re perfectly happy with or without a husband by our side. They would simply just feel sorry for you if you’re over 30 and still unmarried.
For example, my cousin in Jakarta who’s 2 years older than me (she’s 27) is still single and loving it. A few guys have asked her out, but she’s just not interested. As a response, my aunt (not her mom, just another aunt) simply said “Si Joan ni gimana sih? Umur udah hampir tua gitu belom juga punya pacar. Padahal banyak yg mau sama dia, tapi dianya yg terlalu milih2. Padahal udah keburu tua!” When she said that I was thinking ‘Well.. if Joan is perfectly happy being single, then who cares if she’s getting old? Plus, what’s wrong with choosing not to be with men that she’s just not attracted to???”
The series of “annoying questions” just don’t stop here. After you get married, you’ll be “expected” to have a baby immediately, preferably within a year. That’s why right after you’re married they’d say “semoga cepet dapet momongan yaa!” or they’d ask “udah hamil belom?” I have a cousin who’s a doctor in her early (or mid) 30s, she’s too busy working that she doesn’t have time to take care of a baby or a child. She’s been married for years and she’s perfectly fine with not having a baby yet. However, my aunts still say “Tuh si Mutia belum juga punya anak, kasian ya, padahal udah berapa taun yg lalu nikahnya”. And I thought ‘hellooooo? doesn’t it ever cross your mind that it’s actually her well-informed choice to NOT have a baby right now??? there’s no reason to feel sorry for her!”
Ah well, I guess we’ll just have to deal with those annoying questions! Because I get them all the time too! (e.g. “when are you & your boyfriend gonna get married?” or “hurry get married to each other already!”) Grrrr…
(Sorry for my long comment! Just have to share my annoyances with those kinds of questions too!) 😀
To sum things up: kitanya yg fine2 aja kok orang lain yg report?! (-_-‘)
To sum it all up: kita yg fine2 aja tapi kok orang laen yg repot (-_-‘)