True Friends

I used to be so careless about everything. When I had problems, I could get them out of my head in a matter of one night. By the time I woke up, I felt like I was reborn. I felt like I was a little kid again who had nothing in her mind other than her pleasure. Because of this attitude, I was generally not too picky about the kind of friends I was befriended with. I could even stand people who were so annoying; as long as they were nice to me and did not try to hurt me. As a result, I had diverse friends. After all, I loveeed diversities. But that was yesterday. Today and tomorrow are different.

A very good friend of mine used to warn me that I needed to be careful when making friends. Sooner or later, people would take advantage of me; she said. I admit that she was very picky when making friends. She would observe and judge them when she met new people. But she did have many great friends with exceptionally great heart and attitude . Because I was so close to her, I became close to them and man, I enjoyed those times I spent with them! Her friends were 98% men (yes, seriously!). And I had never felt so protected, loved, and respected by any male friends before! It really changed my view: gentlemen were not THAT rare, after all.

Remember my blog post about Indonesian vs. Aussie guys? I wrote about how different the treatment of Indonesian guys towards their female friends compared to the Aussie guys. I barely felt like I was protected or taken care of by my fellow Indonesian male friends. Whereas the Aussies or those who have lived abroad for quite long, treated women differently. They were more gentlemen, I have to say. Three years after writing that post, I still hold that believe so strongly. Even though I have now lived in the Netherlands, where men and women are treated equal and where men are famous for having "cuek" (careless) attitude towards their women; I still feel that Dutch men are much more gentleman than many Indonesian guy friends that I encounter.

It makes me wonder, why are Indonesian guys so selfish, inconsiderate (to other people), childish, and sometimes so shallow? And when they behave that way, they tend to take advantage of other people. Even to their female friends. It took me some time to realize it. When I did realize it, I felt so hurt and betrayed. How could they do it to their own friends?? How can they expect their friends to be nice to them and care about them when all they think about is themselves?? When I help someone or try to make someone happy, I don't normally expect something in return. But when that person does it over and over again with very little appreciation, THAT's when I get really mad! But the saddest thing is that… I don't think they care about it. I don't think they ever realize it.

Don't get me wrong, not all Indonesian guys are like that. I came to realize that guys from Jakarta or big cities are most likely to behave as such. Those people who are from smaller cities or villages and those who have lived abroad for quite long time behave differently and "humanly". Of course everything depends on how you were brought up and the people you usually interacted. I do have some friends that are exceptionally gentlemen — and I am sooooo grateful for having them as my friends. I study at the Technical University, which means I have more guy friends than girl friends. I was not so happy about it — no more regular girl talks at night, no more shopping day, no more silliness. I felt so lonely. But I'm blessed to have a group of people whom I considered as friends. They are the people who are mature enough to understand the difference between asking a favor and taking advantage of others.

I realize that making friends are not as easy as it may sound. Being careful is necessary and I don't want to repeat the history again. I don't want to fall under that trap again. Once is enough. I can't believe that it affects me so much. Why can't I just bury it in my sleep? Pulling myself away out of the crowds is the best thing to do right now. But I can't help myself watching those people treat others unfairly .

Ya Allah, please help me overcome this feeling.