Saudi Wedding Party

My mom once asked me, “would you marry a Saudi man?” (background sound: a loud thunder ) One thing that came out of my mind after she said that sentence was “Oh my God! Polygamy!” LOL. No, seriously, that’s what I first thought when she asked me that question. Well, yes, not ALL Saudi men have more than one wife, but most of them do. And many of them marry another women secretly. Besides, I wouldn’t want to marry a guy by judging from his look on a picture or by paying attention to what other people say about him. Because that’s what most Saudi men and women do when they’re about to get marry. Usually, the man’s mother or sister is the one who would search for his potential wife… by contacting the woman’s parents, of course. If they agree, they would exchange pictures. It depends on the family; if she comes from a modern family, then she’d have the right to say “no” to the marriage. But that doesn’t happen very often. The woman’s father (her brother or uncle, if the father already died) is usually the one who would decide the outcome of this ‘proposal’, whether or not she agrees with it. The couples do not meet or talk face-to-face before they get married. Again, this rule depends on both families. One thing for sure is that, they don’t usually date before they are officially pronounced husband and wife. Besides, Saudi Arabia is not a place for dating. You would be thrown in jail and punished if a muttawa discovers you going out with somebody who is not your husband or wife. So, a case like this could happen on a wedding day LOL.

Marrying a Saudi woman is proved to be very expensive. The man is expected to pay expensive dowry, jewelries, and all expenses at the wedding party for his bride-to-be. He has to prove to the bride’s family that he is “rich enough” to take care of his wife. He also needs to provide her with a house that has all the furnitures inside. It’s sort of unacceptable for the newlyweds to stay in the parents’ house. So, once they are married, they are expected to go to their new house straight away. As a result of high expenditures, many Saudi men fly to other countries in search for wives.

I’ve been to a Saudi wedding party a couple of times. I’d say that the party itself is quite boring. Perhaps it would be different if it is hosted by upper class family, but I’m sure the concept would be quite similar. The party most likely takes place in a wedding hall –or what we call qasr. Men and women do not celebrate the party together. There will be two separate sections. The female guests have their own section, so do the male guests. The bride and groom enter a separate hall, enjoying their own separate party until it concludes. Not a single male guest outside both families knows how the bride looks like (but women guests have a different previlige . I’ll get back to that later).

The latest party I went to was about two to three years ago. An Indonesian lady whose citizenship is Saudi had his son married, so she invited us over to his wedding. One weird thing about Saudi wedding party is that it doesn’t start until 12 or 1 am (Yes, AM! Which means midnight!!!) The guests would usually start to arrive around 1 or 2 at night. Once we entered the women hall, we took our black abaya and headscarf off. Let me remind you again that not a single man is presence by this point, so all guests can wear anything they want. Saudi women have a totally different sense of fashion. They put TOO MUCH make up on their face, wear fancy dresses with bright colours (like dangdut singers), wear huge jewelleries, and expose their parts of body –they don’t do that in public. This is one of few occasions that they can show off what they have; so everyone –youngsters, adults, elderly people– without exception join this fashion show business. I remember when I was there, a lady with a long white expensive-looking gown entered the hall. She looked so proud and confident. All guests thought she was the bride, so we stood up. But she was surprisingly not!! I mean, who in the world would wear a long white dress, except the bride??

While we’re waiting for the bride to come in, loud Arabic music started to play. Most of the guests danced on the stage… from the Khaleeji type of dancing, to the belly dancing. Dancing is one of the most important part of the event. The Arabs must know how to dance. Whenever I’m invited to either my friend’s birthday party or just a small women gathering… the whole gathering thingy is mostly about dancing! They dance, dance, and dance non-stop. As an “audience”, it’s boring to watch it, you know? Anyway, after about an hour, it’s time for the bride to enter the women hall –at around 3 o’clock at night. Then the guests danced again, this time with the bride. After that, the dining hall was opened (FINALLY!). When I entered the hall, I was SURPRISED to find three women, holding their own spoons and eating cakes and puddings without using plates!!! They ate and moved from one cake to the other without ever considering that other people wanted to eat those too!!! It turned out that most of the guests did that. It was normal for them!! I’m sure that this thing does not happen in an upper class wedding party.

After the guests had dinner, there was an announcement that the groom would come to the hall in few minutes. It wouldn’t be good if he saw all sexy women there, right? So, all the guests stopped dancing and took their abayas. These people, who previously wore colourful fancy and sexy dresses, started to cover themselves with black abayas and veils –just like before they entered the hall. Then the groom finally entered the women hall and joined his bride. The party basically concluded once he was on stage. Guests started to leave the place at around 5 AM. But the party was not officially over for the bride’s and groom’s families. Once all guests left the hall, the two families and relatives –men and women– joined the newlyweds for the “family-only party”. Don’t ask me what time it finished, coz I have no freakin idea!

So, that is how the Saudi (women) wedding party looks like. I’m sure that the wedding party for men are (much) boring. Obviously I never been to the men section, but by judging on how men dress, it’s gonna be boring. You know, at least, in the women section, you can see and observe how (norak) people dress. But how about men??? They all wear the same type of clothing! What about dancing? Does the male do belly dancing? hahaha. You figure it out.

One last thing. The gift. In Indonesia, you can just give money to either parents or married couples on the wedding day. Unfortunately, that does not apply for Saudi people. You have to give them a set of jewelries, usually gold necklace and earrings. Giving a jewelry is not only during the wedding party. My parents have close Saudi friends — they are almost like our family. Whenever the wife gives a birth, my mom always presents her with a set of jewelries. Yeah, that’s a tradition.

Guys, make sure you save enough money before you marry a Saudi woman, ok?