Then & Now

Then: In A Prison

My friends in Jeddah are mostly ex-SIJ students who spent elementary and junior high years with me. I’m still communicated with them, up until now. The majority of them are Indonesians of Yemeni descendants; known as Hadhrami. Most of them have families and relatives who have lived in Saudi Arabia for years. Therefore, they adopt Saudi culture and ways of living which include wearing face veil and practicing a strict segregation of sexes. Again, all of these depend on their parents, especially their fathers who are the head of the family.

The stories that you probably have read in Princess and Burned Alive, although not as extreme as what are described in the books, are sadly reflected to the live of some of my friends. I didn’t realize it until I went to Australia to study; until I heard them complaining. A few days ago, I met some of my SIJ friends. We paid a visit to each other’s house. We shared some stories.

Then here came the complains. I heard them expressing the same voice: they want FREEDOM. They wonder why this life hadn’t been easier for them. Why women are always be disadvantaged. They said: “It’s not fair. Men here can do everything they want!” Yes, I know. That’s something I always complain. As I wrote in the previous posts, women here are sooo dependent on men, especially our dads. Practically, we can’t go out of the house without them, because they’re the only creatures that are allowed to drive the cars in Saudi Arabia. So when our dads are busy with their works, we can only stay at home counting the days. Some families prefer to have drivers, but it’s costly to hire them. My family never had a driver until this year, because my dad’s increasingly busy with his job that he’s not able to pick my brother and sisters at school. There’s another option: taxi. But taking a taxi means risking our own lives! We still need men to accompany us.

So, the problem I mentioned above leads to another problems. What if they want to work? What if they want to study at a college? What if? What if? What if? It’s certainly a huge problem for them because they need someone to pick them up/drop them off. One of my friends had to apply for so many jobs (although she has been accepted in some companies, from embassies to hospitals) because she needed to match her working time with her dad’s so that he can drive her. The other friend of mine is pessimist about getting a job because no one can drive her to the working place. Another friend told me that she’d probably find a job within a walking distance from her house. Women have to give up everything for men.

If they don’t have a job, what do they do at home? They’d probably watch tv, do some household chores, talk on the phone, and go online. Imagine if they have to do the same thing every single day (except on weekends, days of freedom :D), their lives are very boring and stressing! Books are freakin expensive here. College/University has a crazy tuition fee - almost the same as the tuition fee in Australian universities! (Most of my friends either continue their study abroad or do nothing) The only option they have is to do some English courses — but that also has to be matched with dad’s working time. So if you think your life is soooo awful, think again… these people have more awful life than yours! It saddens me. I think about my friends in Jakarta whose life fills with fun, fun, and fun. They prioritise fun over education. Some do drugs, drop out of Uni, and have no future. I so badly want to switch their lives with the people who have the courage to study yet have no opportunity like my friends in Jeddah. They deserve it more than those people.

Then there’s another problem: men’s rules. Few of my friends — I repeat, FEW of them — have a very strict dad. Their dads enforce so many rules that are - for me - not necessary in this 21st Century. Face veil is a must. Mixing with men who are not their muhrims are strictly prohibited. Every single activities they want to do (like visiting some friends) depend on dad’s permission — they must give details about the activity even if it’s a women-only gathering! I was told that one of my friends stays at home everyday and refuses to go to some gatherings because she’s sick of asking her dad for permission. I could only think that as days pass by she’d wait for her parents finding a man for her. So sad :(. I always wonder, why did their parents send them to a mixed-gender school like SIJ when they’re actually prohibited to mix with men?? It’s weird, but certainly.. there’s an inconsistency here. When it comes to pursuing higher education ie. university, men are usually prioritised over women, even if she’s the oldest. Some dads do refuse to send their daughters to the university and permit them to work in a mixed-gender environment. I believe that there are many dads who prevent their daughters to work outside their home as well.

There’s also a complain about Indonesian reputation in Arab’s eyes. I was actually very surprised that my friends are also looked down because of their nationality. They know Arabic. They have a Saudi accent. Their faces are much like Arabs. I thought that they can’t be differentiated as Indonesians when they wear face veil coz they have a mancung nose hehehe :P. But I was wrong, Saudi people can distinguish it, even if the person talking with them wears face veil… They know it through the accent, which is somewhat a little bit different compared to the real Saudi. Oh well… Indonesia has a bad reputation among not only Saudi and other Arab nationalities, but also Indians, Pakistanis, and Filipinos who live here. This is happened because many Indonesians are prostitutes and are very easily approached by men from ALL nations. My friend argued that “certainly there are Filipinos who become prostitutes. But they keep it to themselves. They would ONLY serve Filipino men.” Plus, most Filipinos have more respected jobs than maids, for example nurses :). So when one of my friends were enrolled in the Qur’anic course (Tahfiz Qur’an — Memorising Qur’an), people at the school were so surprised to see an Indonesian who wants to spend few hours for a “good thing”. They said, “Masya Allah.. you’re a very different compared to other Indonesian!” LOL. There’s a funny story when her mobile phone was ringing… apparently the ringtone was an American R&B song. The people in the Qur’anic course quickly said, “Haram! Haram!” So she changed her ringtone to the most boring ringtone ever!

But apart from those complains, they also told me some happy and funny stories. I’m thrilled to hear that some of my girl friends have worked, particularly at the hospital (as a secretary) and school (as a kindergarten teacher). Although they only have a high school and English course certificates, their salaries are much higher than those in Indonesia (approx. between Rp. 4 to 6 millions per month). Some of them also enrolled at the Arab Open University (Universitas Terbuka) to spend their free times. I’m very happy to hear that :). I believe that there’s always a way to do something if you have a strong courage!

Now: Singapore

I’m in Singapore right now, waiting for my next flight. I was gonna go out of the airport… just want to take a short walk at Orchard Road. But then I was too exhausted. I haven’t slept for a bit. I tried to sleep on the couch but I always awaken every few minutes. Oh, I got a free pass to one of the lounges! hehe. I took a free hot shower… it makes everything better when you feel so tired. There are some beverages and snacks. I’m so norak, you know??

Oh, before I finish with my boring stories… A fat Saudi man who’s a staff at Jeddah’s International Airport made me so angry yesterday before my departure to Singapore. When I went through a bag screening, my water dropped out of my plastic bag and it was just IN FRONT OF his feet!! I asked him if he could kindly take the water for me. Because the water was sort of in the staff area. But then?? He looked at me, looked at the botol, then pointed on the way I should enter his “area”. I was surprised. What the hell is going on here?? Can’t you just take the water for me??? You don’t have to stand up, you know!!! I looked at his eyes and gave him an angry face. An Indonesian Garuda Airlines’s flight attendent who saw the incident told her friend, “Ih, tu orang gak mau nolong.” I took the botol in front of him and murmured some words so he could hear I was so angry. I’ve had enough with this airport. I’ve always had bad experiences here. It’s certainly the worst airport in this world!