Guys, please speak up!
Posted by: amellie
2 years, 2 months ago
I study in the IT department, so you can imagine that 70 to 80 percent of the students are males. Sometimes I’m the only woman in a tutorial class and most the time I’m the only woman in a group project/assignment. I interact with them everyday and get a chance to observe how they socialise and treat their female friends. I compare them with my Indonesian friends that I’m befriended with. I think there’s a difference between the two. Sometimes I feel like they are protecting me - which is a feeling I rarely have to my Indonesian guy friends.
Speaking of protection, it seems that my friends in Australia have more responsibility to protect their girl friends than those in Indonesia. They would treat us - women - as if we’re so special, valuable, and fragile. I’m not talking about couples!! I’m talking about friends, yes.. true friends… not lovers, not even husbands and wives. My male friends here always ask me whether I need a company when I go out at night (from one’s house to the train station… which is very, very closed). They would ask me if I’d be OK walking alone on the dark! If we’re bumped into a door, they would open the door, let me WALK first (just like in movies lol), and say ‘after you!’. They also frequently offer me a ride from Uni to my house - which sometimes makes me question them over and over again if it’s okay for them to do that. Before I first arrived in Australia, I was surprised to find out how much they’re willing to do these things to other people. Maybe it’s a USUAL thing for you to be treated like this, but honestly speaking, I had never been treated like this by my male friends before other than my ex!! I’ve never even heard them asking me with this question, “Are you going to be okay?” Yes, it is a simple question. But at least it shows how much they care about you.
When I was in High School, I used to travel Jaksel-Parung with angkot every week. Sometimes I travelled with my friends or in the worst case, I travelled alone. It was scary, especially when I arrived in Pasar Parung… there were men shouting, teasing, and looking at me! But knowing how unsafe this situation was, which was far more dangerous than Brisbane, not even one guy offered me a ride!!! Hahaha. *what a pity* Most of us were heading into the same direction, you know? I did talk to them about the scary angkot couple of times coz I just wanted to see their reaction and hoped that they’d give me a ride later on (I seriously didn’t like asking people for a favor… so I always triggered them with stories hehehe). At the end, they didn’t offer me a bit and I ended up asking them!! LOL. You may wonder, they did that to me because we’re not close… But hey, the same thing happen to my closest friend. I have to specifically ASK him to drive me/pick me up somewhere with FORCE hahaha. What’s wrong with you guys??? Yow, all men!! Please speak up! 
I notice that Indonesian males would do anything they could for their lovers. Although not all of them are like that, but at least they show how much they care for their girls (of course, stupid me!). Unlike their special treatments to their girls, they tend to have lack of caring and responsibility to their female friends. But it’s amazing that people here that I know (including Australians + international students) never fail to show how much they care about other people and how much they want to help others, even though they already have girlfriends. There’s a friend of mine who takes care of his girlfriend so much, and he’s willing to do that (though not as much as he does for his girlfriend) to the people around him. I was one of his “victims”. I never dare to ask him for a favor (coz he’s too nice!) but he always the one who offers me… whether I want this or that, whether I want him to drop me off or not, etc. He once said to me, “Sorry, I can’t drop you off this time.” I was like: WHAT?? I didn’t even ask him to drop me off!! Hahaha. Unsurprisingly, he does that with other people too! Tell me, who have done this to you before other than your boyfriend(s)???
This post is based on my experience in both Indonesian and Australian multicultural societies. You can’t just make a conclusion that all Indonesian males act like the ones I describe above, because you might experience different things as what happen with me; so it really depends on what kind of people you’re befriended with (and where you live). I’m aware that I can’t just compared both societies because it occured on different moments (school vs Uni). Maybe Indonesians act like that because they’re still at school… they’re not mature yet. But I want to hear your opinion about this! Do Indonesian males are a bit ignorant about their female friends? Be honest, guys! 
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Hmmm yeah I think u’re totally right on this one! Even my indo guy friends here wouldn’t do nice and caring things for me unless i look like a totally lost, helpless girl, lol. Bahkan pernah suatu hari gua desperately needed a ride home at night, n gua nanya ke salah satu tmn co gua apa bisa nebeng, eeeh dgn cueknya dia bilang “wah arahnya beda”. Huuuuuuhhhhhh!! But for NZ guys, in some ways they show more sense of caring, friendliness, and respect for their girl friends, much more than Indo guys, lol. Maybe it’s how they were brought up.
Oyea one more thing, what I like about NZ guys (probably aussie guys too): guys here actually do things on their own even when they’re married! Like cooking, doing the dishes, making coffee, breakfast, etc n helping with other housework. Mana ada Indonesian husbands yg mau kayak gitu? haha
LOL.. jadi malu..
mayoritas emang gitu sih.. gw pun kadang begitu *mengakui* cuma ya gimana ya, kadang ada rasa kayak risih gitu mau nolong.. takut disalahartikan gitu. nanti di pihak cowo mikirnya : ntar dia pikir gw suka sama dia lagi. nanti di pihak cewe mikirnya : jangan” dia mau ngapa”in gw nih.
yaa.. it’s unevitable for that kind of thoughts.. cause you know for yourself, the bad criminal climate of indonesia.. especially after the may riots, makes people more aware of their surroundings.
call me paranoid.
PS. for the comment above me : gw masak cuci piring bikin breakfast sendiri lohhh.. LOL
jadi apakah gw termasuk bibit suami potensial bagi para wanita” di luar sana? LOL
Memang betul sih, tapi saya setuju sekali dengan Leo. Coba, saya baru sekali antar teman sampai ke rumah sudah digosipin selingkuh
Kalau suatu hari Amel main ke Bandung, nanti saya antar deh kemana-mana.. hebat kalo yang ketemu saya nggak nyangka saya selingkuh
sebenarnya teman-teman kantor saya sudah otomatis minta “nebeng”, sebelum saya tawarkan untuk diantar, kata teman-teman saya memang sudah punya tampang sopir angkot
Are you talking about Indonesian guys? Or just those in Jakarta? There’re big differences in those! Btw, whenever you come again to Jakarta, please let me know. Not all our guys treated girls THAT way..
mel..kalo di sini(belanda), cowo2nya justru cuek berat..even sama pacarnya aja mereka cuek..aku pernah liat ada sepasang kekasih abis pulang dari camping gituh..si cowo bawa tas ditenteng(kecil & sptnya ga berat)..si cewe bawa ransel gunung yg super gede, penuh dan berat..tp mereka berdua cuek aja tuh..ga saling komplain..krn mgkn emang culturenya(yg ga ngebedain cewe ato cowo)..jd they don’t treated everyone base on their gender..eh, btw selamat idul fitri yaa..maaf lahir bathin..
Hm… mel, belom pernah ketemu gw in person sih elo (loh emangnya napa? Hehehe :P)
Hahaha.. komen2nya kocak! Thanks, everyone!
Ok, about giving a ride to other female friends.. I think it only applies to unmarried guys :).
I don’t mean that guys should give a ride, etc.. this is just an EXAMPLE. It doesn’t have to be driving people off to other places… but it can be anything! from the way THEY ACT.. Indonesians (or to be specifically ppl from Jakarta, as mbu said) don’t really care about their girl friends. Somehow they take advantage of us, because we work harder than them… (that happened at schools).
Another example: I worked on the group project with other 3 guys at Uni from 5pm to 6am on the next day. By the time it reached 6am, they told me to go home. They told me to sleep… while they stayed at Uni doing the assignment!!! When I came back 4 hours later, they were still in the same place doing the assignment! Tell me, guys, would you do the same thing to other girls????
Yes.. in Indonesia people TALK… GOSSIP… it’s so sickening! That’s a big problem… coz people tend to PRETEND.. rather than doing what they REALLY WANT. It’s okay if you want to talk about other people, but heyyyy don’t just spread the gossips around! keep them to yourself!
Oh, one more point. I only have friends that live in Jakarta. So it may be different in other cities, I have no idea.. as I’ve never observed how these guys act in other places.
pengalaman saya mah, cowo2 Indo yang sy kenal kebanyakan senang membantu. Kadang2 saking kebaikannya suka disalah gunakan buat disuruh2 hehehe.. tapi begitu punya cewe/bini, emang rada berkurang frequensinya. Apalagi kalo cewe/bininya pencemburu..bisa2 kita terpaksa dicoret dari daftar temen. Tapi itu contoh ekstrim aja, kebanyakan enggak kok.
Malah temen2 cowok disini (Belanda) suka ga pedulian ama temen2nya (ce/co) yang lain.