Uncertainty

I’m so damn lazy today. I woke up early in the morning, but I still laid on my bed til 11 am. I felt so weird that I thought of so many things that even -for me- not very important. There is SOMETHING that makes me worried this whole day. Something that is definetely far away from me. Something that makes me scarred of what will happen next. I feel so stupid filling my mind with these unexist stuff. It makes me crazy. Do I worry about HIM? I don’t think so. I kept myself busy a whole year that I never think about this guy anymore. But still, for me, there is a hope between me and him. A hope that I actually don’t want to think of. It’s just too complicated.

Being uncertain of so many stuff in ur life is terribly unpleasant. We are uncertain because we have various choices. I hate choices, I hate the fact that I have to waste my time analyzing between two (or more) things. If I had to choose one of thousand options, I would absolutely gave up. But If I really have to make a choice, I’ll call my friends - asking about their opinions. That’s why for me, friends are very important. It’s not that I’m extremely dependent, it’s because I give up too quick. And I think I’m not mature enough to make a choice. I mostly fail with my decisions. It makes me really upset. Once I get upset, I’ll be awfully and mentally “unhealthy”. But we cannot run from options. The choices are still and will be exist in our life. No matter how happy you are, how sad you are, choices are still there with you.

Speaking about failure, that’s one thing that scares me off. I always think about my failure when it comes to my future. There is a time when I’m alone, I often think and list some questions that will lead me to a failure. What if some bad thing happen to my family? What if I get sick that I can’t even continue what I want to do? Remember, failure is not only about our own fault. It can be an accident. An accident that may erase your future dreams. This is life. It can turns you to whatever it can be. The rich becomes poor. The healthy person becomes unhealthy. There are some possibilities that may turn you to something that you never ever want to be happened in your life. It scares me a lot. But it’s good though, it makes my faith stronger than ever. It makes me think the existency of God and pray as much as I can. And the most important thing: it makes me ready when the failure comes to me.