a sadness

I hate to say that I’m [getting] bored of my life here, in Jeddah. I totally have nothing to do. I usually get up early in the morning to wake my ‘lil sis & bro up til they go to school. Then, without a doubt, I sleep again til the afternoon. Yeah, I can tell ya that I sleep too much, esp during the holiday. Jenny and Mayuko know well that I won’t get up early except there are some important things to do. I skipped so many classes in the morning and I still don’t understand why I got 97% for the attendance. Perhaps I’m lucky hehehe… One thing that makes me a bit confuse is that no matter how many hours I sleep (3, 6, 10, 13 hours), I still find myself yawning. Strange, eh? But anyhow, after having lunch w/ my family, I usually play computer or browse the internet. If I’m lucky enough to convince my lil bro, I’ll find myself sitting in the living room, watching tv. Otherwise I’ll just lay on my bed, think about a lot of useless things.

My mom feels sorry for me, so she persuades me to go out during the night w/ her. I actually have some invitations from my friends (party, etc), but I have no mood to go there. I feel like I’m wasting time being w/ a lot of people and sadly to say that I won’t enjoy it (coz of my mood). So I just hang out w/ my Mom, go around Jeddah (esp Tahlia!!) searching for discount/sale shops! How amazing to find many branded clothes had their prices dropped. So it was my opportunity to find some nice cheap clothes. But unfortunately, I only got couple of them. Not much, but it was ok.

Today, I went to Balad w/ my best friend, my Mom. I bought gifts for my friends and other stuff that I’ll need in Brisbane. I’m afraid that I have no time to buy those stuff right before I leave Jeddah for bne. So I start to buy those things from now on. It wasn’t my lucky day, but I have to say that I got sick when me and my mom was shopping. Yeah, I haven’t tell ya that I have anemia; kind of illness which has to do with lack of red blood cells. It happens to me all the time… when it comes to me, I feel so cold inside my body, have a headache, can’t see & walk properly (perhaps bcoz I have no energy to do that), then if I can’t manage to sit down immediately, I’ll collapse (faint). That’s really terrible! The only thing I can deal with this disease is that I have to eat properly and as much as I can to gain energy. Honestly, I haven’t eaten so well on this whole week; most of the time I skipped breakfast, eat only 2 times a day, and I seldom fill my stomach w/ snacks after the main meal. After the-almost-collapse-tragedy happened to me, my Mom has been very worried and maybe unhappy with the fact that I’m still suffered with this disease. I hate and regret that I eat less food than usual.

I just want to make my life happier than ever. I really don’t understand of what is happened w/ me in this entire week (the laziness & the disease). I feel like I have no energy, strength, and power to live. I definitely need someone to cheer me up, but I hate to be so dependent. It’s all bcoz of my faults that I put myself in this situation. I’ve never tried to brighten up my life, I just wait til the happiness comes to me. I know it’s ridiculous & wrong but I dunno what to do… All the feelings and the situations make everything more complex! help meeeee!!!